i think i have herpe
just one?
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
