so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
I have post one night stand depression
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