i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
The air taste purple.
Randomize
