We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
