You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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