So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
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