Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I just blew my weed a kiss
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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