What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Randomize
