I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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