this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
