i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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