You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
