oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
