I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
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