would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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