so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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