im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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