I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
