I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
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