woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I have fence marks all over my body
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
