Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
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