His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
