Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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