He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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