Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Boobs speak an international language.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
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