I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
Randomize
