at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
You need a sexual gate keeper
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
