How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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