What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Randomize
