Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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