he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I have fence marks all over my body
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize