Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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