I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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