Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Randomize
