Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
