I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
He felt like a one man threesome
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
