The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Two words: blizzard sex
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
