Me. At least after what I've been through.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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