i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
