2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
