Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
