Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
