Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Randomize
