Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Randomize
