dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
