if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Randomize
