Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
