I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize