I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
