My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
