It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize