So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
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