im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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