i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
