trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Randomize
