I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Randomize
