im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize