isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Randomize
