peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
