The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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