Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
My liver just had a heart attack.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
We need a shit load of segways right now
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize