I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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