A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
