we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
