Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I stole a fireplace last night.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
