we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
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