can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
