God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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