Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
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