I will die if light touches me.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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