uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
