you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize