Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
