I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
