Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
