just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
