I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
