no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
