please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
