everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
