WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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