yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
