Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
My hand turned me down
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Girls should come with a carfax report
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
