PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Of course I have a pirate flag
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
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