walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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