its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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