I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
