my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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