I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Randomize
