he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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