my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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