Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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