i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
