he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Acid is not a monday night drug
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
